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Its been a long time since ive posted but I dont think that really matters cause I dont think a lot of people read this BUT im going to update it anyways.

So last Tue I had the chance to go see a band that Iapos;ve loved since high school on their reunion tour and it was amazing Mest broke up a few years back but they were the band that basically got me into alternative music is it was cool to hear their old stuff again live.

A band Im friends with called Rookie of the Year also played and theyapos;re always amazing to see live I love their music and theyapos;re very talented musicians. Theyapos;re all super nice too They hooked me up with a photo pass and I got some pretty sweet pics. Feel free to check em out at www.myspace.com/frontfocusphotography

Quietdrive also played which was pretty awesome. I really like their music too. You probably know them from their time after time remix but honestly thats nothing compared the their own music. I dont like that remix at all and I think their actually music shows how much talent they really have.

I didnt take photos of any of the other bands cause I kinda just wanted to relax and enjoy the show but now im kinda kicking myself for it. It would have been sweet to get some good pictures of quietdrive. Theyapos;re coming back to LA at the end of the tour so maybe ill go to that show and try to get some shoots.

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every day count

Ask me later,
i can see it,
burning in your eyes,
the eager heart,
i fed to hell,
just to stand here.
Any be the WAY,
your way.

Iapos;ve prostituted,
everything,
sold the last hay penny,
taken the last,
toilet brush swat,
for what ever we need.
For what ever we got.

Thirty Seven years,
for what the mother was,
not what we are,
but what we where.
I called her what she was,
a baby machine,
something so called serene.

We are nothing,
and in it,
everything we make our selves,
so who are YOU

To make me,

something I already WAS.

Or something,

Iapos;ll never be.

Since you made yourself a silent god,
you tell me.
Something I might be,
something,
Iapos;ll never be,
you make the difference

No choices had,
ad weapos;ll be what you want,
a nation of quiet,
shit machines,
welcome to believe,
what you tell us.
Life is sacred,
just as you made it,

Perfect for explosion,
wait,
since those kids arenapos;t OUR own,
it makes sense,
explain it to me,

the kids born of our own ilk,
not kind or creed,
are freed,
by a nation that allows freedom,
by threat of death,
to those that canapos;t provide,
what we provide,
but if I kill my own,
im immoral.

You tell me.
What is life.
What is a life?
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Tonight, it was nice to be left alone for a change. I enjoy being left alone most of the time, and especially after iapos;ve been more or less forced to be around people for a time.

and I often feel like i donapos;t fit.

I have an eclectic history of friends.

One of them is pregnant and now must marry, because she is a Christian.

The funny thing is that she was living and sleeping with him before she got pregnant. Out of religious conviction, to be sure.

And now she is going to be a mother. At 20. So she can bring another exceptional human being into the world.

I just donapos;t get it. If you arenapos;t going to listen to God in the first place, why wouldnapos;t you just continue to ignore him? It irks me to think of all the potential damage she could have avoided had she been realistic with herself, understood that she clearly doesnapos;t care about Godapos;s rules (although she more than ANYONE had been raised knowing them) and save the KID all the consequences of her mistake? If it was me, iapos;d be like, "self, youapos;ve been an ass. You blew god off, and now you see why he tells us to do things his way. Now save the world the cost of your idiocy and quietly get an abortion, turn your life around and go to college." She could have a whole new start.

But letapos;s be honest. Thatapos;s not what she wants.

i see 3 factors at play here:
1. Unchallenged conformity to Christian social standards. It doesnapos;t matter how it happened, now sheapos;s got a baby and abortion is UNPARDONABLE.
2. Fear and struggle to conform to moral standards, perpetuated by a low level of character. She has already proved herself unwilling to commit to her professed Christian values, and so why should we expect her to commit to her lack of morals? Iapos;ve done the same thing in my life. Sheapos;s neither hot nor cold. Sheapos;s never been interested in overcoming (see revelation 3) and i am mistaken to expect more from her.
3. She has always harbored dreams of becoming a mother. Part of me wonders if she didnapos;t evade the birth control.

Someday, i will include a character like her in my books.

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[Action for Miss Bianca St. Claire]
[Excel looked up at the former cafe, checking her notepad to make sure it was the right place. With a sigh, she knocked on the door and waited for the owner to appear. She knew she didnapos;t really need the work, since she already had two other part-time jobs in other places. At the moment, she was doing a few hours around mid-day at Seventh Heaven, mainly to get the benefit of a place to get food from on the side (as per usual). In addition to that, she was doing odd hours for some labor work at the Cityapos;s media station, under Meryl Stryfeapos;s supervision (more or less).

But lately it seemed like no matter how much work she gave herself it just wasnapos;t enough. Being stuck in the City for a year like she had, without doing anything related to ACROSS, was making her worry she was getting lazy. So, to help fill up her schedule as best as she could without having to fully commit to a job, she was looking to work in as many places as possible. Three jobs didnapos;t sound like too much, after all. Thus she found herself here, at this unnamed establishment, dressed in her usual casual attire with her hair braided back like always, to take a job sheapos;d asked no real questions about. She usually didnapos;t have to. She was used to working under a no-questions-asked basis because it typically worked both ways. And that suited her just fine.

.... Usually.]
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Swan's handen. Tuurlijk. Waar Swan is, daar is bloed. En zo dacht ik even op ons gemak een nieuw pak uit te zoeken voor J. Daar het oude totaal geript is door het ongeluk en overal bloed (daar zijn we weer)vlekken bevat, kon dat niet meer. En aangezien we vanavond een feestje hebben, moest J. Een nieuw kleedje. Hedennacht waren er enkele onverlaten nogal enthousiast aan het straatsteenleggen geweest. Jammer genoeg lagen de stenen bij de diverse ondernemers in de winkelstraat in de diverse etalages. In winkel X, waar J. Altijd zijn pakken haalt, hing de grote winkelruit nog in zijn sponningen. Een jonge glaszetter kwam er een paar stukken tegenaan lijmen, zodat de pui het weekend kon overleven. In gedachten verzonken bekeek ik zijn werk. En terwijl hij een van die ruiten tegen de pui aanplakte, zag ik hem zijn hand wegtrekken. 'Die heb zich gesneden.' wijsneusde ik naar J. Die keek, samen met E. Die hem hielp in de winkel, alleen verstoord op.

'Oei, die heb zich heul erg gesneden' piepte ik, toen ik vervolgens een flinke straal bloed langs zijn hand naar beneden zag glijden. De jongen had de ruit nog steeds vast en kon hem niet loslaten. Zijn hand was echter totaal onbruikbaar. En natuurlijk kwam Swan-to-the-rescue in actie. De koelheid zelve dirigeerde ik de baas van de winkel, enkele voorbijgangers en het slachtoffer naar waar ik hen hebben wilde. Knip dit, vouw dat en ga zo maar door. Ik plunderde de EHBO-koffer en sloopte een dikke handdoek. Het bloed bleef gutsen, maar was gelukkig geen slagaderlijk geval. De baas van de shop had wel 112 gebeld. 'Kun jij misschien even aan de telefoon komen? Ik weet niet zo goed wat ik moet zeggen...' En dus vertelde ik de dames dat een ambulance niet nodig was. Ik reed hem wel naar het hospital.

En daar gingen we. Met een bloedend varkentje van 21 naast me, scheurde ik met een glasvrachtwagen door de stad. Zonder verdere kleerscheuren dropte ik hem en de kar voor het ziekenhuis. Zo. Nou. Doei En ik liep terug naar de winkel. Daar werd ik feestelijk onthaald met bloemen en chocola. En J.? Die had in de tussentijd zijn keuze gemaakt. Zo handig. Die kerels

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I forgot to upload a picture of the cake I made for my momapos;s birthday -



Red velvet cake, red on the outside and the inside. It tasted all right, but Iapos;d put it in the fridge for hours so it was solid as a rock. IDK, I feel like my baking skillz have gone downhill since I got back, and I canapos;t even find my favourite cookie recipe (did I leave it in Brisbane?). I want to bake more cupcakes, but with my mom and I out of commission, the cupcakes will just sit uneaten forever.

Food... I am determined to eat pork ball noodles today, bedok hawker centre had better watch it.

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